“Muscle March is coming to America” or “We’re afraid of being silly”

The characters of Muscle March flex for the camera in nothing but their thongs/bikinis.

The characters of Muscle March flex for the camera in nothing but their thongs/bikinis.

It’s Japanese.  It’s completely odd/random/silly.  And it’s coming to your Wii with a E-10+ rating.  It’s called Muscle March, and it has gaming commenters up in arms.

Why?  Well because it’s gay.  And how does the common gamer determine that this game is gay?  Well, it’s simple, you see.  These characters are muscled and wearing nothing but their thongs.  If they’re burly and in thongs, they must be gay, which makes this game gay.  Oh, and did I mention this game uses rainbows?  That alone makes it gay, right?

Yes, if you read the above paragraph and sighed, then you share my feelings exactly.  People once again heaping labels atop a game that’s just… well… incredibly random.  Like, impossibly random.  For Pete’s sake people, there’s a muscle-bound polar bear up there in that row of men/the single woman!  A polar bear!  Polar bears don’t work out in gyms!  (Unless I’m completely missing something when I’m going to the gym.  It’s possible.)  And that man has a bird in his afro!  And… and… things!

It’s certainly very much embedded in the Japanese culture, as all this game is about is 8 burly characters chase after another person through multiple levels for whatever reason Namco-Bandai chose at the time.  As the chase is conducted, the target smashes through walls, leaving holes that are perfectly shaped for body builders!  Each character must do a specific flex to get through the wall, otherwise they collide into it and are cast out from the game.  As the chase continues, it gets faster and faster, forcing the player to move quickly to get into position for the next flex.  If this doesn’t sound completely off the wall, then I don’t know what does.  Will the E-10 content rating last?  I hope so, as this game perfectly falls into the E-10 category of lighthearted cartoon randomness that barely passes as making sense.

It’s cartoon mischief at its finest, yet I’m sure we’ll hear someone complain about homosexual content being aimed at children in the game, just as we’re hearing gamers cry “gay” at the mere sight of it. I’m not exactly sure when the oily bodybuilder type became a symbol of someone being gay but then again I’m also not sure why so many militant straight people don’t find the “football ass smack” as a type of homosexual behavior.

So remember people.  It’s bad for your children to be bodybuilders because it’s homosexual, but there’s nothing wrong with a good ass grab at the end of a 40-yard-touchdown pass.  Hoo-rah.

</doublestandardsmakemybrainexplode>

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7 Responses to “Muscle March is coming to America” or “We’re afraid of being silly”

  1. I had a long angry ranty comment about homophobic attitudes but it disappeared into the aether. The thing about how my queer trans kinky polyamorous interracial marriage is age-inappropriate but Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar’s marriage is perfectly fine for even the youngest of tots. I’m too tired to rewrite it.

    But I do like that the bodybuilder in the pink bikini is every bit as big and bulky and cut as the others.

  2. is that a capybara top left-ish? i hope that’s a capybara.

    i think this accusation is a prime example of how homophobic people find teh dreaded gay in every innocent and random thing. it’s a pretty ridiculous attempt at preserving a heterosexual masculinity that frankly doesn’t exist (yeah, i also don’t get the football ass grab thing).

    but i think rather than going “omg it’s not gay” we should be more “so what if it is?” because in asserting that it’s not, even when we’re pointing out that homophobic people tend to find threat in anything remotely gay, we’re still implying that there’s something wrong with things or people that are (hopefully this is making sense–i think i’m getting too rambly).

    i agree that’s it’s quite sad that we’ve gotten to the point that there’s apparently no need for standard logical criteria to determine if a completely random game is actually gay or not.

    i also wish i had a wii.

  3. Hot Tramp says:

    I think the “It’s gay!” cries come from the unthinking assumption of the male gaze. The only people who look at video games are men. Therefore, these video game characters know that they’re being watched by men. They’re posing and showing off their bodies. So if you’re posing and showing off your body, and you know you have a male audience, then you must want sexual attention from men, and you must therefore be gay. QED.

    I wish I could find the link, but I read a great piece a while ago about promo art for Buffy/Angel in which James Marsters was giving the camera a rather sultry look. A bunch of men proclaimed this picture “totally gay.” The idea that his sultry gaze was aimed at women apparently never occured to them.

  4. 8mph Ansible says:

    ‘cept for the annoyance token black guy with the fro (I find the whole comedic use of black folks hair rather irksome) I would probably get that, if I had a wii.

    “I think the “It’s gay!” cries come from the unthinking assumption of the male gaze.”

    I say that quickly points to the heart of the matter. Along with the sense of entitlement and the “I’m sole existence for this media” attitude of the generally advertised to gaming population. As if it’s not immediately targeted to them then there is something seriously wrong with it.

  5. john says:

    if yall have ever seen japan’s “hard gay” this actually is japan’s version of Jack from Will and Grace. while mildly annoying the hilarity of how ridiculous this game looks makes me plan on getting it!

    Yay the Wii finally did something rightish

  6. Laurentius says:

    I’d rather find “kotaku’s style” last sentence irony to be ill placed for this well written post and generally counter-productive.

  7. TheUrdnotWrex says:

    That bear beat me for the last spot in the game. I dont look good in a speedo

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