The Mestiza Identity as a Gamer

(Guest post from Arie Salih)

My name is Arie Salih- I’m 23, and just graduated from Stanford University. I hate categories, but if I must I’d declare myself as a first generation Iraqi- Kurdish gamer of color, living in D.C. (unemployed, but happy!). I’m a panromantic asexual- only just coming to terms with my identity, like everyone else.

“You’re a good woman, Commander.” Lieutenant Girard exclaims this after I take steps towards ensuring Talitha doesn’t hurt herself. It turns out her Batarian captors murdered her family in front of her, and she became a slave- tortured, after mishaps on Mindoir. I pursued conversation with Talitha with caution, inching forward and convincing her to take a sedative. I press the start button and sigh heavily, thankful for being able to help the girl.

Wait, did he say “woman?” I un-pause the game to take a hard look at my Commander Shephard. She’s as androgynous as I could make her- her skin tone a dark brown, with grey eyes, gaunt cheek- bones and a bit of bump on her slender nose. I’ve painstakingly infused my own identity into my character- the nose is a bit of an homage to my Middle Eastern heritage, and the rest is an idealized take on who I think I would have looked like as a female (albeit, prettier!).

You guessed it- I’m a twenty-some year old with misshapen features and a mis-shaven face. But my Commander is an internal reflection of who I’d like to be as I walk around the Citadel. I’d like to do good for the Alliance, and so I’ll do my best to raise my charm skill to avoid conflict and settle things as a Paragon. Violence was never really my thing anyway.

“Because I, a mestiza,
continually walk out of one culture
and into another,
because I am in all cultures at the same time…”

Gloria Anzaldúa has highlighted multiple personality complexity, resulting from the acceptance of the mestiza identity. As a gamer, empowered by the strong narrative and character creator of so many Bioware titles, I have created a transfer of cultural and spiritual values into my virtual being. As Commander Shephard, I will seek to stand up for my newly existed Human peers in the Council, but along the way will learn about the struggles of the Quarians and the Asari species.

If our rigid social conventions in reality can be defied in videogames, then the Mass Effect universe can serve as a refuge for shifting leadership paradigms. The glass ceiling evaporates as Shephard, Tali and Liara work together to track down Saren. My Commander is a strong woman, and the first Human Spectre. My Shephard is an independent leader of the Alliance- one who will work to save Major Kyle, help the Consort reach out to a Turian general, and treat the Elcor with the utmost respect. The Council has entrusted me with a great task, and I’ll follow it to a conclusion.

I am part of the mestiza gamer culture- I will attempt to “change the way we perceive reality, the way we see ourselves and the ways [my character behaves].” My digital self represents an identity that goes against the lack of strong minority characters in the industry. I’d like to think my character driven experience reflects a desire for an increase of videogame protagonists of all different colors and genders. I am participating in the creation of a new gamer culture- one that reflects the necessity of new faces, new sexualities, and transference of my everyday values into my videogame experience.

I sent a picture of my Commander Shephard as I to a friend. He took a few minutes to reply, “That is not Commander Shephard. He looks like this.” And that is precisely what I love about Mass Effect. We spoke about the different actions we took in the story, and laughed about how we had such unique experiences within the same world. (Aside: I think it would be awesome to have each author of your site take a picture of what their Shephard looks like, and reflect a bit on their choices in the game! I would love to know!)

I think a lot of us are ready for the revolution- I also agree that Faith from Mirror’s Edge was a huge step in the right direction. If I could borrow Hanna’s words from the “Riot Grrrl Manifesto,” I’d hope in time more games would “speak to US that WE feel included in and can understand in our own ways.”

Quotes are from Gloria Anzaldúa’s piece titled, “La Conciencia de la Mestiza: Toward a New Conciousness,” 1987

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